“6:20 p.m. A girl who looks to be about four years old walks into the dining room wearing bright orange lipstick, and the hostess gives her crayons. She is my only rival for command of this TGI Friday’s.”
This whole article made me laugh, but this line made me absolutely howl:
Life is a like a box of of mozzarella sticks. You never know what you’re gonna get, but you can predict with 100 percent accuracy that it will be a mozzarella stick.
so apparently people talk to their pets in baby voices, but when i see my cat i’m just like ‘hey brad’ and he’s like ‘meow’ and the conversation is over.
I don’t know why but for some reason the fact that your cat’s name is brad is hilarious to me
|—||potential Onion headline (via pansexualpagan)|
i will do a lot of things but admitting im cold to my mum who told me to bring a jacket isn’t one of them
and you are the reason i’m smiling when there is nothing to smile about
so i made this thing cause i love this song and embroidering
(Peach - The Front Bottoms)
how do i get over someone who i never dated
Chris Pratt interrupts the interview to french braid intern’s hair x
do dogs think in barks
when ur tryin to tell a story but people talk over you